I sometimes have to wonder why relationships move so quickly.  Then I remember how quickly everything in life moves.  Cell phones became i Phones. Subtle printed porn can now be mainstreamed anywhere via World Wide Web.

What we want and need becomes like a kid who got the king size and now is being handed a fun size.  We undoubtedly want bigger, faster, and more, and I am convinced that half of the time we are not even sure why.

Thinking about cohabitation should not be something that is decided because some “want” to be near your new boo arises.  I once moved in with an ex, lasted about a month.  He was more into me, but what were we doing living together in the first place?  Then I must have had a lapse in judgment when I again let a different boyfriend move in with me.  I thought, this time it will be different, but sharing a room, bathroom, and full on living quarters with someone else -all the time- is a difficult adjustment for some couples.  It may be a simple transition for couples that have similar living habits and goals, and equal cleanliness, but for the rest of us getting used to it can seem endless.

Either way, if long-term companionship is something that a couple is considering, when is the right time to move in together?

I personally won’t make the leap again until I am married.  You don’t have to drive the car to know how to spin the wheel.  But for those of you who are bent on test driving, here are a few pointers:

Transition in Tip-Toe- Whether you are moving into one of your places or getting a whole new pad, there is no need to “lay it all out.”   Keep the x-box in the man cave and attempt to keep noise hair off the sink.  Women rituals should remain just that, what he doesn’t see will surely not hurt him, and will definitely help the relationship.

Pick a Place- It is ideal to get a “new” place together although it is not always financially possible.  Both parties then feel equal in sharing a place that really is their own.  If it benefits to share one of the existing places just make sure to let your partner know it is theirs by making room for their things before the big day.  Try not to think selfishly.

“Them” time- Living together means that your alone time is diminished.  You may have had roommates, but living with your partner is different. It will be beneficial to give your partner space on certain days.  After all, absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Over-Obsess- This is the only time I am going to tell you to over-obsess; talk about moving in together extensively prior to the commitment.  If there is pressure from one party, the resentment the other person feels will carry into the new home.  It is okay if you may be ready and your partner isn’t.  Respect that stepping back a bit usually makes them step closer.

There is a point in our relationships when some of us exercise our need to know. When we first meet a person, we tend to be consumed with all their good qualities.  Often early on, we make sure that the past of the other person doesn’t matter.  We think we are taking them for who they are, but that is not always the case.  We take them for who we think they are.

After time the relationship gets to a point where one person or both people start to ask about the other’s past or gossip they hear from others.  Different personalities and different people act differently to this.  Someone who is persistent on exercising their need to know is curious, and has compulsion in their mind.  This impulsiveness can drive a person’s “need to know” over their rational thinking.

I advise against ever getting into these conversations.  You need not prying at a dating partner to know something or inquiring about the past, and you should not feel obligated to answer inquiries that are inappropriate or make you feel uncomfortable.

If he wants to know exactly how many men you have been with, or you want to know how good sex was with his ex; it is completely irrelevant!  Say that to yourself over and over again.

The person who needs to know is feeding an impulsion to know, there is no true relevance to how your love will get stronger when these conversations come up.

If you are the person who needs to know, you should examine why your mind is causing you to suffer from either compulsively thinking  or needing to know.

Both parties should be completely honest with one another, but he or she doesn’t need to know that intimate details between you and an ex.  He doesn’t even need to know who your ex is.  In a small town this can be more difficult, but a quality person will deem gossip an irrelevant source.  Keep it classy, quiet, and relevant.

The emotional connection and harmony between the two of you is not going to be elevated if you talk about what one person thinks they “need to know.”  Usually the need to know occupies the discussions of the past, etc.  They are unnecessary and will cause fights, unnecessary worry, and possible break-ups.

The things you should be paying attention to are:

• communicating  effectively
• growing the positive aspects
• responding appropriately to set-backs
• having fun with each other

There comes a point in a relationship; at no specific time; that one or both of the partners becomes drug down by the constant day in and day out activities. You wake up, you both go off to work, you come home, you eat dinner while watching tv, and then go to bed.

By changing up our activities, positive receptors in our brain follow that new rush. Think about when you get into a new relationship; sparks fly. After a period of time your brain is accustom to the activities and the person; we are often let down that we don’t feel the love we once did. This is not true. Find a new way to spice things up to get that old feeling going again. When something in our daily routine is changed it can make all the difference. Need Ideas?

• sign up on an intramural sports team
• take a weekend away together
• go somewhere new and pretend to not know each other (thank you Four Christmases)

If you seem to be feeling the snooze, but your partner is content, then make a change in your own personal routine.  Start staying at your own place during the week, get up for six am work-outs, take a new art class or begin a new hobby.  Your significant other will be sure to respond to the change.