Monthly Archives: June 2012

My Friends Don’t Like My Significant Other

Posted on by misskjelstrom

Have you ever been in a relationship where your friends don’t like your partner?

What can you do when your partner and your friends are not getting along?

There is not much you can do to change someone’s opinion of the other person.  It is important to note whether this is a reoccurring theme with a lot of your friends or if it is just one friend.  Multiple friends not liking your significant other might be a sign that your friends are seeing something in this person that you can’t.  Sometimes the outside opinion of others can be what we need when we are so emotionally invested.

If this in not the case, you should talk to your friend and find out what needs to change for them to get along.  If your partner is a good catch they will do everything they can to have a good relationship with your friends, especially the friends that are most important in your life.  If your friends are good friends, they will also do everything they can to be pleasant to your significant other.

You can’t ignore tension between your partner and your friends.  In the end, this doesn’t work.  We need healthy relationships that compliment our romantic relationships.

When is Too Sweet Too Safe?

Posted on by misskjelstrom

Have you ever heard someone tell you, “You are too nice”?  Or have you ever thought about the person you are dating, “They are too sweet.”

When is too sweet too safe? When do you have to call it quits on a partner that is just too nice? Or when are you just pushing all the nice ones away?

Too sweet is too safe when:

  • You are never intellectually challenged by your partner
  • You can not be honest because their feelings are always hurt
  • Anytime you say jump, they ask you how high? (Remember it is OK and normal for your partner to do nice things for you.  This is an extreme of someone giving too much)
  • They are exhaustively doing things for you and you realize you are not reciprocating

Are you too passive?

The term push-over sounds harsh, but Ask Men will tell you- 7 Steps to Stop Being a Pushover

Or Are you a passive-pusher?

When someone is nice to you do you tend to push them away?  If this happens, it is time to deeply evaluate your choices in life in regards to dating or choice of partners. People can change and their habits can change.

How to Survive a Break-Up

Posted on by misskjelstrom

Break-ups are some of the hardest trials in life; they test our ability to cope with loss and stress.  They are emotionally difficult.  Trying not to sound too objective, I understand from experience what it is like to go through a break-up.  I know it is hard to see it at the time of the break-up, but this bad experience will lead to better experiences in the future.  Until then try these ideas to cope with a break-up:

  • Faux letters.  Keep a journal or write out a letter to the ex.  Write as many letters as it takes or type up faux emails. These can release every emotion you have and express exactly what you feel without hurting anyone directly.
  • Body pillow.  If you are used to cuddling or sleeping next to someone, the actual object can have a significant impact on your emotional well-being.  Tricking your brain with the physical can help with the emotional.
  • Avoid alcohol and mind-altering substances.  Having a clear mind is important in getting over difficult emotional struggles.  A clear mind can lessen the duration of pain.
  • Surround yourself with positive people.  Your friends and family are great people to reach out to.  Familiar and positive people can help you push through a difficult time.
  • Stay occupied.  Keep yourself busy. You will have time later to work through all the emotions; sitting and ruminating about a bad situation will not help you start the healing process.
  • Mini-Vacation.  Take a short trip and go with a friend.  Clear your head and break away from the situation before coming back to begin the coping process.

How to Know If Your Relationship Will Last

Posted on by misskjelstrom

Relationships go through a lot of different trials, but some situations can bring out someone’s nature more quickly.  Look at this list to make sure you see your significant other in the given situations or scenarios:

Image

  • Friends and Family.  You should spend ample time with your partners’ family and friends.  Look at how they interact with those closest to them.
  • Wedding.  You should accompany each other to at least one wedding before ever thinking about tying the knot yourself.
  • Traveling.  Go on a trip or two with your significant other (preferably a week or more).  See how they pack, travel, and work through unfamiliar places.
  • Work stress. Work is a large part of most of our lives.  Understand how your partner reacts to pressures at work.  Do they give up?  Or do they git-r-done?  This says a lot about the character of a person and how they adapt or handle stress.
  • Silence.  Relax and let the silence be and see how they handle the situation.

But what are you looking for in these scenarios?  You are looking into their relationships with others and their reactions to stress or life.  This can tell you a great deal about how they will interact with you in the long run.  How they react to situations tells a lot about how they will react to the situations that come up in the relationship.

The Ones That Didn’t Get Away

Posted on by misskjelstrom

There are some people that you might be drawn to.  You may be attracted to a specific attribute or just have an emotional pull to them.  I see people again and again stay in relationships or continue to date someone who is just not very tentative or nice.  But how do you know the difference between the ones that got away and the ones that didn’t?  There really are plenty of fish in the sea.

Remember the ones that didn’t get away include:

  • The one that is going after your friend, but tells you they liked you first while your friend goes to the bathroom.
  • The one that sends you a half-naked picture they took in the mirror via text.  Then says’ “your turn.”
  • The one that can only seem to find time for you when it is convenient for them.
  • The one that you know is somewhat of a player, but you disregard all the advice and signals. (mostly because you are an idiot)
  • The one that will hook up with you then not contact you again until the next drunk dial.
  • The one that still contacts you even though they are in a relationship.
  • The one who says the last book they read was by Tucker Max.

How To Write your Wedding Vows

Posted on by misskjelstrom

You can use the classic wedding vows of the church, pastor, or spirituality of your choice.  Or you can write your own (view the video above of the wedding scene from the movie The Vow).  How will you go about writing the sacred words that only take place once, on one day, and express such an important relationship in a few short sentences? Two simple steps.

1. Get some inspiration!   We are all inspired by something.  The reason we are on our way to marriage in the first place is because we have something so special to share with only one other person that we are making that commitment.  Watch movies, remember quotes, read books and listen to music to get inspired.  Take that inspiration to come up with your own words or expressions for the love you share.

2. Be yourself. You and your partner know the deepest things about one another.  Maybe the wedding audience won’t know what you are talking about, but your intimacy is a private thing, not a public one.  Make it special to the two of you and the things you share.

The Four Relationship R’s

Posted on by misskjelstrom
Some of us struggle to understand what a healthy relationship should look like.  Perfection is often difficult to reach, but as a result some of us tend to sell ourselves short of the important attributes that healthy relationships should have. Here are the four basics that relationships need to have to stay strong and to last. 
  • Respect: It is important that both partners have mutual respect for one another.  You can not build communication without some groundwork; such as understanding and compromise.  Respect for differences, boundaries, and change is essential.
  • Reliability: This is a huge part of a relationship.  Having two reliable people in the relationship helps lay a ground work for trust.  To have a sound emotional relationship, you need to able to rely on your partner.
  • Realism: For the individual.  You must not get lost in fairy tale romances and must have realistic views of relationships.  There is change, struggle, and challenges, as well as commitment, love, and intimacy.  You should be able to bring reasonable expectations into the relationship.
  • Romanticism: Bringing romance into the relationship is important.  Although females may be the first to express a need for this, it is often what can help the relationship stay strong and intimate for both partners.

Your Dating Timeline

Posted on by misskjelstrom

Making a timeline helps us reconstruct how events took place or a past that we came from.  We use timelines for different reasons, but additionally they can help us to look through the past mistakes or habits of our relationships.

If you have a tendency to get stuck in the wrong kinds of relationships maybe a timeline can help you learn from past mistakes or gain insight in making future changes.  Patterns can be found in the way we interact with the people we are in relationships with or why we chose them in the first place.  Use this timeline to set goals and to establish healthier relationships.

Making a timeline of your ex’s and past relationships will explain the following:

  • attributes of people you seek in a relationship
  • patterns of people it did or did not work with
  • reasons why the relationship ended

The timeline should consist of:

  • names and dates
  • fight and non-fighting habits
  • likes and dislikes
  • emotional connections or disconnections
  • sexual encounters and how they were
  • attributes, attitudes and personality of the people you dated

Rationality trumps emotion in the long run.  If you find your actions stemming from emotion most of the time, it is time to evaluate what is hindering you from reacting without rational thought patterns.  You deserve positive and healthy dating experiences.  Learning about yourself and your habits can help you begin this journey.

The Marriage Business Plan

Posted on by misskjelstrom

Every great business starts with a plan.  In marriages, how well thought out is that plan?  The prenuptial provides an out if the marriage is exited, but what about during the marriage?  Where is the planning in that?  Not wedding planning, but marriage planning.

Things to consider for a good marriage plan:

1. Financials.  Will you share an account, keep separate accounts?  How will you split bills?  Who will pay them?

2. Separates. Do you have separate items or houses?  Duplicates of items and ones you need to get rid of?  How will you join or discard your items?

3. Unforseen. What if one of you is out of work?  Can your job alone carry the household?  What are your back up plans?

4. Chores. What will each partner do to help with laundry, cleaning, yard work, etc?

5. Family time.  Where will you spend holidays?  How often will you require that your partner see your family and vice versa?

There are many items that go into a business plan.  Business plans can take months to compile all the data.  Use the same care and consideration when going into a marriage.  Planning can help future success.