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Aloha Goddess

Yesterday this happened:


Yep. I spilled 32 ounces of Mother’s Market Aloha Goddess juice blend in the passenger side floor of my car.  That’s a whole lot of apple, pineapple, celery, cucumber, spinach, parsley and kale put to rest.  And you know what happened next….

I laughed.  In my head my initial reaction was probably something like, “Oh man.”  That was mostly because I was really looking forward to drinking it.

Life is just like that sometimes.  It was a day filled with change.  I could have seen it as a bad day or a bunch of misfortunes (because that was like one of five “changes” that day), however, I chose not to.  The moment that I invest in calling it a bad day or having a nasty thought about the day…… Guess what?  It will turn out to be just that.

I choose to put my energy in the positive.  Sure, I had to go to the gas station to get some paper towels and yes they only had three left (not three rolls; three, very -tiny- little- small paper towels), but I also was able to fill my tank full of gas.  In moments that feel overwhelming, put gratitude towards what you do have.  I am thankful for my job, money, and the ability to use resources. Being thankful helps reverse the negative thoughts.

When I got back to work, my car smelled of fresh squeezed juice and I looked at a co-worker and just laughed.  He helped me clean the small green lake out of my car and I thanked him.  And that was that.  I walked into my work room and led group therapy. I didn’t rush into the room frazzled or announce my recent change order.  I just did my job.

What we fail to understand is how our attitude leaks.  Just like that juice in my car if I had not cleaned it up quickly and properly, it would ferment. Your attitude is the same. Lock it up quickly and properly. Don’t let it ferment.  It smells bad and is not a good look.  Don’t just stuff it either. Talk to the appropriate people and move on.

If I had a bad attitude, I would infect a room full of people with it.  However, no one in that room could have guessed what had just happened to me.  You release the conversation to the people you need to (i.e my co-workers) then you strap on your big girl (or big boy) pants and you take care of business.

I now understand the saying, “no use crying over spilt milk.”  But we missed the point.  Mom or Dad didn’t yell at the kid about the milk they spilled.  They reassured him that it was okay, and they helped clean it up.  Then the kid stopped crying and was like “oh, oh yeah.”  They were mirroring how to embrace change, and go with the flow.  Adults don’t cry over spilt milk; they either shut down and don’t clean it up, yell about the milk, or throw the milk on others. Still never cleaning it up.  Too often adults get frustrated and upset about things in life that they can not control.  Then they take that frustration out on others.  Adults tend to harbor resentment over change.  They don’t value lessons unless they are clean and to the point.  Life’s best lessons are often messy.

That 32 ounces of juice on my car floor was a lesson.  Embrace change.  If you don’t embrace it, it will happen anyways.  Then when it happens you will act frustrated, upset, or surprised.  Acceptance of change is key to having lasting balance in your life.  It promotes a good attitude. You attitude leaks in everything you do and on to everyone you encounter.

Most things in life are not in our control.  Our attitude is in our control. Choose to have a good attitude.  No use crying over spilt aloha goddess.

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‘You’re Single? What’s Wrong With You?’

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Recently, I was having a great conversation with a woman outside of my local gym, and as we spoke, the topic quickly turned to relationships and love life. When she asked me about my current relationship status, I gave her my usual response—as of two years—“nope, no one.”  Now, you have to understand that I’m 30 years old, and at my ripe old age—and for other people going into their fourth decade of life—we are seemingly expected by the world to be in a relationship. If we’re not, most people seem to think that there must be something just…well, wrong with us. If you’re single and reading this, the odds are greatly in favor of the fact that the inquisition of “why are you still single?” seems to show up at every outing with friends and every family get-together. This hypothesis of mine is clearly evidenced by my usual, long-winded…

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The Tinder Swipe- The First Collaborative Decision

It is easy to be single.  The only person you have to attend to is, well, you.  You get to decide when you will have dinner, when you will head to the gym.  No one is soliciting you to go spend time with their family and all parts of your world are in your control.  It takes less effort to be single than in a relationship.  However, what’s easier isn’t always what’s best.  The rewards of a healthy relationship are said to have significant positive impacts on your health and your life.

You develop a better you in the context of being in community with others.  You develop the craft to be a better self when you are in romantic relationships.  Our individualist culture praises differences and independence; which leads to negative connotations about being in a relationship.  Some classics are “ball and chain”, “tied down” or “locked in.”  The battle of individualist argues that it is about control.  So we fight to have control in our romantic relationships, instead of cultivating a collective effort to want what is best for our partner and ourselves.

There is a collaborative lack of commitment in our culture.  I recall hearing a friend say this about not including her boyfriend in a recent decision, “It’s my body and I’ll get a tattoo if I want.”  I thought to myself for a second. What’s the big deal with getting our partners opinion on something.  Didn’t we make the decision to be with someone who we knew would challenge us when necessary and support us through our seasons.  I had an analogy; a band sets up a play list so they have a plan for the direction the show will go.  If one member just decides that they want to begin with another song, it is going to be a disaster.  Not only will they be playing different chords, but they will experience emotions that come from the crowd being turned off by the unorganized tunes.  What a mess.  The same goes for our relationships.  If we set out with a “play list” and a plan for the direction we want to go, there will be less discrepancy in the future.  If we communicate our true needs and wants to our partners early on, we will be safe to make the appropriate changes in the relationship.  We will also be safe to walk away if this isn’t the right relationship for us.

Why are we so afraid to make collaborative decisions?  You don’t loose your individuality by respecting the opinion of your partner.  Are we purposely becoming a society where individualism trumps hard work and collaboration?  We complicate things a lot more.  We place ridiculous expectations on our partners and the end result is disappointment.

What would it take for you to be happy in your relationship?  Coffee in the morning, a kiss before work, and a cuddle in the evening, become things that aren’t good enough.  We want extravagant treatment in a world where ordinary relationships have become boring.

Let go. We should begin by humbly accepting that we can’t always be in control; that we must consider our partners opinion and needs; that expecting too much is insane.  We need one another.  There is no shame in needing someone.  When we begin to accept the basics of this, we begin to let go.  We begin to see that a great team and partnership is something worth working for.  Relationships and partnerships provide us with the sense of support and strength.  It is easy to swipe left or right.  Then get matched up with someone who swipes you too.  You two have made your very first decision together- each other.  You’ll have a bunch of other decisions to make from here on out.  Its everything after the swipe that matters.

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What Good Is Success Without Balance?

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We’ve all heard that money can’t buy happiness. We hear it over and over again, but usually pay little mind to it (as evidenced by most of the population working their tails off to achieve wealth). Many of us already know – especially those of us who study what makes people happy – that this phrase holds a lot of truth! Chasing riches is the downfall of plenty of people. When we focus so intently on attaining money, it can cause the balance of our life to become way out of whack and send even the wealthiest of people into sadness and depression. We see lottery winners who are broken, millionaires who openly admit to being depressed and lonely, and plenty of miserable people who have plenty of money and we think, ‘What could they possibly have to complain about?’ Why is it then, even when we see the outcome…

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Lessons in Love

As you get older, you learn.  You gain insight and you grow.  You learn about love.  You learn that falling in love is intentional and that intent means letting go of the youthful past and making way for a healthy future. You learn that break-ups don’t have to be breakdowns.  You learn that broken families don’t have to “act” broken.  You learn that marrying your best friend is important.  That flaws are not red flags and that red flags are worth attending to.

You learn that you are not going to change the person you are with.  You learn to adapt.  You learn that to keep a marriage vibrant it may take more work than anything you’ve endured in your life.  You learn patience, perseverance, and a willingness to say you are sorry. You learn that when you are with the right person, your passion fuels the work. You learn that date nights should never stop.  You learn that happiness comes when we stop expecting our relationship to be like other ones.  You learn to ask your partner for what you want and do it politely.  You never stop working on yourself.


You understand that forgiveness is golden and being stubborn leaves you restless.  You learn that the grass only appears greener on the other side because you aren’t watering your own.  You learn to compromise.  Always give your best self to your partner and when you can’t- try harder.  Travel together.  Be supportive of one another’s dreams.  Cuddle.  Sleep in and have breakfast in bed.  Bring her flowers often.  Kiss him when he comes home.  Hold hands.  Compliment one another.  Be empathetic.

You learn that the heart doesn’t just want what it wants.  You learn that love is a passionate experience with your mind, body, and soul.  Hold on tight to one another in hard times.  Never let go.  Talk.  Listen.  Listen more.  Give all of yourself to the other person.  Never look back with regret.

You learn something from each relationship you have.  You learn to not wait on anyone to love you back.  You learn to let go of things that aren’t yours.  You learn to seek guidance when you don’t have the answer.  You learn that you can love more than one person in a lifetime.  You learn that each love is different but not comparable. When you learn about love, you give more.  You open up.  You feel free.

Cat Calls and Quarters

I went for a late night run with my roommate last night.  We ran through our town and down pacific coast highway; our usual route when we want to get a couple of miles in after a day’s work.  We have taken this route many times before.  As we jog down the end of a long stretch before heading back, something happens.  And it happens multiple times.  From the line of cars slowing to a stop near us…. it begins…. its difficult to make at first but then the roaring becomes clear….. the set up strikes and the men begin making the most annoying and inconsiderate noise out of their silly little mouths… there it was… the Cat Call.  Multiple shouts of unknown origin came somewhere from the many vehicles.   As my friend and I blast through the sidewalks, we begin rolling our eyes.  We image that this sorry excuse for a way to tell a woman she is “hot” is anything but the sort.  By the end of hearing three or four repeat attempts to gain our attention, we remain uncomfortable; wanting to give those boys a punch in the face.  Yes, boys.  We blow it off and go on about our work-out.  By the end of our run, I start to wonder…. Where did that cat call come from?  And Why do men think that its okay to use?

In the wikipedia, cat calling is described as, “a whistle, shout, or comment of a sexual nature to a woman passing by.”  The bottom line is that cat calling is inconsiderate.

In an article that Carlos Andres Gomez wrote on the Good Men Project he rallies for men to grow up.  He writes about the wrongs of cat calling.  He reports that these unsolicited cries for affection go unattended by women, but men still engage in them.  I can’t help but wonder why mama didn’t teach you any manners, and that if you have a comment about a woman being beautiful, you need to tell her politely.  Respect is a little thing that goes a long way.  Cat calling is no better than any form of sexual harassment that takes place in society today.

When I recently went to Las Vegas on a ladies trip, I was completely enamored by the overall lack of respect and consideration for women.  I walked to the restroom and a man grabbed my arm in order to spring chatter in my ear about my looks.  Let’s just say, it was not well received.  Others in small crowds there thought it okay to grab a women’s ass.  I don’t care who she is or what she is wearing, sexual harassment is sexual harassment.  Just because a woman is wearing something sexy, does not give you a free pass to act like a dick.  Cat calls are trashy.  Quarters to your cat calls men, it’s time to buy a clue.