I wanted to share a motivational speech for this evening’s article. Although this discussion has a specific audience, we can all learn from these inspiring words. The title of the article was fitting because time and time again, I hear a new generation emerging that wants to get handed success and not work for it. The generations before us worked hard for us to be able to work hard. Those generations did not work hard for us to send 1,000 plus texts every day to friends and play candy crush until we have to purchase more lives. I hope these lessons can inspire you to move towards your dreams.
1. You have to have heart. Most of you say you want to be successful, but you don’t want it that bad. When you want to succeed as bad as you want to breathe, you will be successful.
2. Be able, at any moment, to sacrifice what you are for what you can become.
3. Pain is temporary.
In 2006, Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo wrote a book called, “He’s just not that into you.” In 2009 it became a movie. Both the book and the movie give a baseline for how to tell if someone was into you by the nature of their actions and verbals.
Based on the book you know that someone is not into you if:
1. They don’t call or text; If someone is into you the calls and the texts are the first casual way for them to make efforts to connect with you.
2. They don’t want to make plans with you; If someone is into you, they will actively seek out your company (no matter how “busy” they are).
3. They are not interested in getting to know you; If someone is into you they ask questions and actively listen when communicating with you.
4. They seem distracted when you are out in social settings or groups; If someone is into you they make it a point to make you feel comfortable in social settings. This may look like eye contact, introducing you to people, or gestures of touching you throughout the event.
The question, is the person you are dating into you, has made its way into society to ellicit humor and irony for unrequited love or romance. However, this question can answer if your current dating partner is able and ready to make a healthy romantic connection with you. If the person is not able to make these simple gestures they may have experienced something different from secure attachments in their past. The ability for someone to prompt a relationship to a higher level can help you distinguish if they are relationship material. Yes, they may just not be into you. However, these signs are also a good indication of someone who is ready to take the dating to another level.
We all have expectations, dreams and hopes of what we want our relationships to look like. Communication and connection are important parts of what make a relationships work. These expectations are minimal and you can hold someone accountable to be generally reliable. You should have personal values that show someone you appreciate their time and they need to appreciate yours.
The article goes the same way for if you find yourself consistently searching for people who are unavailable. If you have a tendency to continue in a relationship where someone is not active in the types of participation you want (i.e responding to texts or answering calls) it is time that you let them go. In order for you to have a healthy and secure relationship you need to process why you constantly enjoy the company of people who want to give you half of what you give them. Don’t chase after anyone and don’t let anyone chase after you. Actively participate in a walk with one another because mutual initiation in dating is key.
I really enjoyed reading this book. I believe it brings insight into, not only parenting, but also all types of relationships.
This site began as a way for readers to explore their dating and romantic relationship patterns. After over a year of reading, research, and writing, the site hit a kind of “block”. It was not a block from a lack of information about how to understand your romantic relationships.
As the author, I realized the site’s information could benefit readers in some instances but something was missing. Discussions of all the other relationships in our lives was missing. These relationships help form how we go about our romantic relationships; they form how our children will go about theirs. Relationships with our parents, grandparents, care-givers, peers, friends, children, co-workers, or people we interact with all matter. Over the years I have heard many people ask “What do you do for a living?” It is our conversation go-to to get to know someone.
The most appropriate answer to that question may be, “I am in relationship with other people.” But what does that mean? What is the importance of having happy and healthy relationships?
I have heard people say “It is healthy to fight.” Is that the real view of how things should be in relationships? Is the new norm to fight? Whether with our friends, family, or significant others, what are relationships “supposed” to look like?
Join me as we explore Relationships of all types this upcoming year!
Only 7 days left until Valentine’s Day!!
Are you still not sure what to plan for your partner? Maybe we can help!
Have a Crush: Send some flowers with a quick note. No roses, just Gerber daisies with “friendly” pairings (the floral shop should know what to do). Add just a quick note, “Hope you have a wonderful Valentine’s Day.”
New Relationship: If your relationship is new, try a low-key dinner. It is difficult to determine if we should or should not celebrate this holiday when the relationship is new. Error on the side of caution and plan something small.
Single: Be comforted that you are not alone. This holiday is about Love. Not only romantic love but the love we share each and every day with family and friends! Plan a day with a single friend or remind your family how much you care by sending out Valentines.
Spa Packages. If you are looking to spoil your love, this could be the ticket. Call a local spa, check it’s website for legitimacy, and schedule an all-day trio of: Massage, Facial, and Pedicure. Lots of places offer couple packages if you want to partake in the day.
Looking to Personalize. For a partner this means more that hustling out to the dinner crowds or opening a gift you just grab from target on the way home from work. If you want to come from the heart try these:
- Personal jewelry (not inscribing a name, but a stone from an important relative in a new piece of jewelry or a piece that compliments your partners’ character)
- Romantic Picnic (too cold outside? Set up a park style motif in the house)
- Dress and Shoes (A friend can help with her size and style. She can open this on Tuesday for dinner reservations another night.) It’s so pretty woman, without all the hooker stuff.
Dinner: Stop reading this blog and pick up the phone. Valentine’s Day is the busy Restaurant day of the year, so if you want to get a seat, you must plan ahead. Try a smaller local joint to make the night more memorable.
Flowers: If you think this is to cliché, think again. Flowers are great, and enjoyed even more when you have them delivered to your partners work or school. Secretly people like others to “enjoy” them with us.
If your partner “hates” Valentine’s Day it is possibly due to a history of bad Valentine’s Days so make this one good!
It can be frustrating to be a single in today’s world. You stand in line to be seated at a restaurant and hear the hostess say, “only one?” Stub Hub sells tickets in 2′s and 4′s. All of your friends have a Facebook status that says “in a relationship.” You don’t have a plus one at any of your friends’ weddings. Single can feel lonely in a world of couples.
So why are you single? Do you ask yourself why you have yet to meet Mr or Mrs right? What are you doing or not doing that keeps you single?
1. The Places You Go. Do you frequent bars in hopes that you will meet the person of your dreams? Maybe some of your friends have met their significant others at bars, but if you have been rocking the bar scene for quite some time without much luck, it is time to change it up. Change up the places you go so you can meet new people.
2. The Things You Do. You possibly work and/or go to school. Try something new. If you are a guy, volunteer in a humanitarian effort. This is a good place to build character and to meet people who also exhibit good character. If you are a girl, try business networking events. This is a good place to meet career oriented men that exhibit work ethic and social skills.
3. You Are Too Focused. You have not embraced being single. I am not talking about in an irresponsible college undergraduate way, but in a personal acceptance way. You need to focus on a job, school, or something other than securing a significant other. It will find you, you will not find it.
4. You Think In Generalities. You give up because you think that “all men are bad” or “all women are emotional.” Talking or thinking in generalities will make good people walk away. No one wants to listen to someone who already has an idea of them, without getting to know them.
5. You Expect Too Much. Think about the expectations that you have for a significant other. Most of us have too high of expectations and people can just not live up to them. Limit your expectations, not for you, but so other people can come into your life without having to live up to your too high standards.
Mr or Mrs Right is out there somewhere. It may take longer than you like for you to meet that person, but timing is everything. Be the best you, so you can meet the best someone else.
Some couples have difficulty talking about sex. What your partner needs and desires may be different from what you need and desire. Effective communication is something that can be learned. Open communication about sex is also something that can be learned.
An article in Psychology Today talks about how almost all couples suffer from sexual desire problems. The number one reason that couples break up is from communication problems. A lack of communication about sex is assumed to be a large problem for some couples to.
When you try to have conversations about sex, it is very similar to other conversations with your partner. Effective communication has to be learned. Don’t be judgmental and have an open mind that what they want and need may be different from your wants and needs.
Remember these things about sex:
- Communicating about sex can be difficult
- Foreplay is important
- Be humble to establish true passion with your partner
- Removing tension will make bedroom time more fun
If you are unsure about certain bedroom issues and want more information on sex topics, great articles from well written and educated people can be found on: http://www.psychologytoday.com/topics/sex
Watching an episode of Dr.Drew last night, I met the woman called Elle. Elle is a now single, once bitter mom and soon to be ex-wife that utilized her heart ache to make a for-sale sign for her house:
Although on Dr.Drew the mom laughs off the recent infidelities of the family, I am not convinced that pain wasn’t still somewhere lodged in behind all the news crews. (The mom and dad both approved the sign before it went up.) The mom stated that she wanted the children to grow up in a home that is not broken, and although the ironic nature of the sign and situation, it brings me to believe we need to see the situation in truth, not humor.
We live in a society where facebook statuses and texts take place without much thought. We believe that it is appropriate to bash others that have hurt us or to leak our emotion via world wide web. Elle needs to remember although this is her way of getting through the suffering, she is also sending an insufficient message to her children.
Be mindful when you are hurting. Seek appropriate help and don’t let your ‘hate’ get the best of you. Make a plan to seek help in healthy ways so that your children and future generations learn how to cope appropriately by seeing us cope appropriately.
I told myself over and over again that I was going to be very careful before I went exclusive with someone next. If you see my dating time-line, one might wonder if I paid no attention to rational and made moves only based on lust. I would agree in most instances. Emotional thinking and reacting was a way of life for me.
I went to see Savages last night. This chic had two relationships at the same time. I know the ideas of this in the movies and shows seem sexy, I tried, but it is just not me. It is something I thought would help me decipher the “winners” from the “losers”, but this isn’t the case. The real losers end up showing their true colors, and if you are savvy you need little reality to compare them with.
You see that is the problem with relationships. We think that we are going to have some fantasy, because shows like ‘The Bachelorette” take dates to a level that is difficult for any normal person to achieve.
The reality of relationships is that they can be difficult, confusing, and scary. They can also bring love, happiness, and understanding. My So-Called Dating Life is Now My So-Called Relationship. I am happy to share mine with you.
So you have been seeing “the guy” and are waiting for him to ask you that one question: Will you marry me?
Every fancy dinner reservation or exotic trip leads you to get dressed to the tens for the dream picture you had of saying yes that day. But the last two fancy dinners or trips that you thought were leading up to the big question only left you with three letters- WTF?
You are still waiting him to ask you the big question. So what can you do to secure those four words before you loose your patience and your mind?
- First, Don’t vocalize. He does not need to hear you say that you are ignoring him or acting like a bitchy girl until he pops the question.
- Act like a dude and let up. Get busy with your girls, work too much, take an extra work out class, or get back in school. Whatever you do, make your top two priorities anything that but him.
- Be less interested. You and this guy have obviously been together for awhile and there is nothing that is prompting him to hurry the question. However, just like the DTR (Define the Relationship) Talk, he will be more inclined to pop the question if he doesn’t “got you where he wants you.” be less interested in the relationship until he is ready to commit.
- Sexy. Loose that extra weight you have been trying to, get your hair did, and get some new clothes. He will notice when those double takes begin and he will want to secure you by asking: Will You Marry Me?