There are some people that you might be drawn to. You may be attracted to a specific attribute or just have an emotional pull to them. I see people again and again stay in relationships or continue to date someone who is just not very tentative or nice. But how do you know the difference between the ones that got away and the ones that didn’t? There really are plenty of fish in the sea.
Remember the ones that didn’t get away include:
- The one that is going after your friend, but tells you they liked you first while your friend goes to the bathroom.
- The one that sends you a half-naked picture they took in the mirror via text. Then says’ “your turn.”
- The one that can only seem to find time for you when it is convenient for them.
- The one that you know is somewhat of a player, but you disregard all the advice and signals. (mostly because you are an idiot)
- The one that will hook up with you then not contact you again until the next drunk dial.
- The one that still contacts you even though they are in a relationship.
- The one who says the last book they read was by Tucker Max.
Do you think your relationship looks and feels like a “normal” one? If you often compare your relationship to other people’s relationships, you need to stop doing that right meow.
But Seriously, What a relationship should be is the same question with a different answer for each individual and couple.
Make sure you know what it should be for you. You understand the limits that you have; what makes you comfortable in a relationship? You might need to spend more time alone with your significant other, but they like to be alone. This is where understanding your relationship needs can make communication better.
You need to be able to make the serious compromises, but also to have fun in any relationship.
Ask yourself why you question your relationship in the first place. Do you struggle any time you are tied down? Get to know yourself and your reactions. Don’t question your relationship until you have questioned yourself. It is often too easy to blame others.
In the beginning when two people are getting to know one another, you shouldn’t read into it. Sometimes one person gets hurt simply because they thought they could change the other person’s mind. When talks indicate that both parties just don’t have the same feelings, it can be difficult for the person who has stronger feelings to know when the game is over. 500 Days of Summer did a great job, split-screening our expectations vs. reality.
What it really means:
- I want to keep it casual. Means they want to keep things casual and never intend on a relationship. Repeat: No relationship intention.
- I want to take it slow. Intention on a relationship is 50/50 but they want to take time. Take it slow may or may not have relationship intention. They want to get to know you before deciding if you are the person they want to be in a relationship with.
- I don’t date. Almost the same thing as casual, but more intention on booty-calls. Pretty much a hook-up and no relationship intention.
- I like you, but I don’t want a relationship. Someone who doesn’t really want to be in a relationship but is afraid the “keep it casual statement” might not keep you around. Again: No relationship intention.
- I just want to be friends. You are official in the friend zone. Enjoy the view, because this is your permanent position.
- Project your feelings on the other person. Expect they might have a different view, even if you feel smitten.
- Ask about other person “So how many girls/guys did you hang out with this weekend?”
- Lose your cool. If you don’t have the ability to be casual and they do, walk away.
Some people need consistency and monogamy, some don’t. It is probably safe to stay with your herd. I truly believe that if someone wants to be with you, they will turn you into their boyfriend/girlfriend.