Escape Your Bad Dating Habits

I was having a conversation with my parents the other day, and  I took pride in knowing that I was a tom-boy that had problems following directions.  I began to think about all my personality traits further and the habits I’ve formed when it comes to dating.

Around the age of ten, I had three boys who liked me at the same time.  I don’t recall being frazzled, but I had a plan.  I had them take a written exam and do a physical match to win my love.  Early on, I must have been taught something about monogamy.   After some written exam in my parents back-yard, and a few physical tests I was to choose a winner.

And the winner is….

One boy had gotten the most questions about me correct and surpassed the other boys in the physical tests.  However, I  still found a reason to deem one of the other boys the winner, whom I had known from the beginning that I “wanted.”  So after all the practical tests I had initiated, I chose to over-ride my own rules and choose a different boy.

The in the seventh grade, I dated about seven boys in my class.  All of whom I initiated some interaction; some mostly lasting about a week, some as short as a day.  I had been in an exclusive relationship in the sixth grade, to the most popular boy in school, but he was a mere stamp in my dating passport.

Now today, I am long out of high school and heading toward a PhD to teach people how to have successful relationships.  Ironic.  One of the mentors I have prides herself in teaching on marriages because she has a great sustaining marriage.  I appreciate that, and I also hope that people appreciate the journey through love to marriage takes trials and time.  I am on that journey with some of you.  Many mentors I know have failed, much like myself, and it is what enables us to teach others about relationships, love and sex.

Last summer I began to recognize these dating patterns (yes they begin very early)  and it has taken time and practice to get out of them.  I began with a simple task:  I would not approach a man.

Every man I had ever dated was a result of my pursuing, so I figured the easiest way not to date the same “type” was to not formally choose myself.  The last two people I dated were a result of this task.  They both pursued me, and although they ended, I learned very valuable lessons about dating patterns and how to address them with people I mentor.  If you are in the same boat and you get into the same relationships often, there are certain ways to avoid that.  Here are a few suggestions:

  • Change up where you are meeting people
  • Make a list of the top five things you absolutely have to have in a partner and don’t stray from that
  • Take a break and be alone serial monogamist can have a hard time understanding what they want
  • Be Selfish! Make sure you are mentally healthy enough to handle another person’s successes and failures along with your own.  Evaluate why you want to be in a relationship in the first place. (Being lonely isn’t very valid).  When we are too worried about disappointing or hurting someone else, everyone suffers from us not being selfish.
  • Date around.  If you can handle being in the dating game, go fish.  You can still date without being in a monogamous relationship, I even openly suggest it for people with bad dating habits.  This is a good way for you to track and adjust your bad dating habits.


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