Relationships and Marriages all come with their share of roadblocks. There are some very simple ways for couples to get over these roadblocks without jeopardizing the entire relationship. Most arguments hit the biggest relationship roadblock – bad timing. Make sure that you avoid arguments beginning from bad timing.
1. Know your temper. Are you more relaxed after a run? Is talking better after your morning coffee?
Knowing your temper is a great way to avoid fights. If you know you are having a bad day and your significant other suggests a talk, just explain that it would be bad timing because of the long day at work, etc. Give at least three additional times or dates that would be better for you, so they don’t feel like you are blowing them off.
2. Be patient. Be able to compromise about a good time to talk (a good time is the time that is best for both parties not just one)
3. Be open-minded. The worst thing you can do is go into something with a bad attitude. This will hinder proper communication for both parties. Being stubborn is not attractive.
4. Don’t demand. Demanding something for your partner can be threatening and rude. Make sure you ask or request things, in place of demands.
5. Watch your tone. The tone of your voice can say a lot more than the content of the talk. Know how others interpret your tone. A good rule of thumb is slow and soft. Tones are very easily replicated from person to person, so make sure yours is pleasant.
But they absolutely have to talk NOW?
No one has to talk right this second.
If an issue comes up, it is best both parties have time think about it. A period of a few days can give you and your partner time to think about both sides, and not just be selfish with your own.
If your partner absolutely refuses to change the timing or not be understanding, there is sometimes little you can do. The best thing is to try to stay calm, because their eagerness to talk is already bringing in tension.
If you refuse to change the timing, you are not alone. Some individuals with personal conflict have an urge to get issues out of the way so they don’t continue to process them in their mind. People with the urge to talk right now should try anti-anxiety things such as: venting to friends, working out, or taking a relaxing bath.
The Cynical Therapist came to be when two therapists became friends. SoulMates or Kindered Spirit Animals… Call us what you will…. We are two bad*** chics Licensed to teach you how to grow into your full potential and add some humor along the way.
Laurie Wilson and Elle Anzalone are both Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist practicing in Huntington Beach, CA.