Self-Help Bullshit Part 1

Some of you may be wondering what this article has to do with relationships, love and sex.  The bottom line is, everything.  It is important that you maintain happiness.  You find that happiness in yourself, friends, work, and activities before you add a relationship into the mix.

 How do you maintain happiness often?  

Most of the time setbacks such as a divorce, a job we are not pleased with, or something unexpected can seem like it will last a lifetime.  The pain doesn’t feel temporal.  It is easy to fall into depression and it seems almost impossible to fall into happiness.

Basic steps to happiness  

1. Your Reactions.  Deal with setbacks. There is a saying “You can not change what a person does, but you can change your reaction to it.”  Operate out of ration not emotion.  You need to react by:

  • acknowledging the setback
  • understanding and dealing with the emotions it brought on
  • let go of those emotions

This is a process that has to be learned, maintained, and managed just as you would conditioning your body for a sport.   

2. Your Balance.  Maintain a healthy balance of things/people who make you feel good.  Take an inventory of the following things in your life:

  • jobs
  • hobbies
  • people
  • relationships

In this inventory it is common for us to make excuses for people/jobs/things that we are trying to “keep” in our life.  I challenge you to ask these questions and if no is the answer, rid your life of it or them.  Take very practical measures to replace it with positive alternatives and maintain relationships with more involved people.   

Ask yourself these questions: 

  • Job.  Is my job full-filling and do I find engagement and growth as a result?
  • Play Time. Are my hobbies and passions adding quality to my life?
  • Relationships. Is this person making me better, there for me, and overall a good friend/partner?

3. Your Outcome.  Once you react appropriately to set-backs, and learn to balance and maintain healthy jobs, relationships, and activities in your life, happiness will be an outcome.  The outcome additionally bring more positive outlooks, followed by more positive relationships.



thecynicaltherapist View All →

The Cynical Therapist came to be when two therapists became friends. SoulMates or Kindered Spirit Animals… Call us what you will…. We are two bad*** chics Licensed to teach you how to grow into your full potential and add some humor along the way.
Laurie Wilson and Elle Anzalone are both Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist practicing in Huntington Beach, CA.

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