Laurie Wilson, LMFT

An independent woman might be raging with confidence and glowing with success.  Take pride in the ability to do things for yourself.  But listen carefully to this article when it comes to incorporating independence in your dating life.

In the beginning a man might appreciate your ability to take care of yourself, but after you get in a relationship, remember this:

A man feeds off of the need to take care of you. 

Keep your independence, just don’t brag about it or do everything on your own.

Try these tricks:

• Even if you know how to do it yourself, pretend not to.  A man prides in his ability to “help” you.  A man feels good when he does something for you, especially something you can’t do yourself.  (Even if you have to pretend you can’t do it).  Try this with 25% of the things you do.  50 % becomes needy.  Ask for his advice on things if it doesn’t involve a task.

• When it comes to cars, guns, or power tools, act like a flake.  Why?  Here is why.  If you like to shoot guns, you still can.  Act like a flake the first five times you go shoot with him, and after “he teaches you how to shoot” you can go ahead and have that freedom back.  It is only cool independence for him if he “taught” you.

• All the Woman who independent keep your hands down.  Beyoncé can raise her hands cause she is with Jay-Z.  It doesn’t work like this in real life.  A woman who sports independence as her MO can make a guy feel he can never measure up.  He doesn’t want to take away your independence, but he definitely wants to be a part of it.

• Always let him drive.  Enough said.

• It benefits you too.  Woman can be easily be taken advantage of; they naturally want to care for others.  Let him view you as someone he needs to help, and he will never view you as him mom.  Once he views you as his mom, you’re stuck doing his laundry and making his lunch.

• It’s Not Needy.  This is not about being needy!  Creating a relationship where he teaches and helps, fulfills his protection prophecy and makes an instant connection for his manhood and your dating life.