You would think inside of a relationship that partners are open to Sex talks. You would be surprised how many couples ditch the sex talk because of the uncomfortable chatter and anxiety that it can bring in the bedroom. However more anxiety and confusion seems to be brought on by avoiding the talks rather than having them.
The top two concerns when getting intimate with your partner are Boredom and Anxiety. Let’s explore these a little bit and discuss ways to overcome them.
These two concerns can be easily avoided and overcome first by having more open conversations about what is going on between the sheets.
When leading into these conversations:
- Make sure your tone is pleasant and you aren’t nagging about the situation
- Be open-minded and direct the talk as… “I was wondering if we could try this….. I always wanted to…..”
- If you are afraid to tell your partner about some correction they need to make, Tell it like a story…“I was reading this blog about …. So my friend was telling me about this new….”
- Never directly tell your partner what they are doing wrong because this can bring more anxiety to the situation. Use I or We, never You
- Be an open-minded partner. Try not to take offense at suggestions. We can all keep learning.
- Everyone is different in boundaries, so don’t pressure; look to compromise
1. Boredom– An emotional state that is brought on by uninterested in current surroundings. Avoiding boredom in your sex life is much like avoiding boredom in life. You find new ways to entertain and manipulate your surroundings so this all-too-common emotional state is severed and you don’t suffer from its triggers.
Manipulate your surroundings by: Changing it up. Our states of arousal can be triggered by new environments or uncommon situations. Having fun in your sex life is just as important as keeping the romance in your relationship.
2. Anxiety– A psychological or physiological state characterized by emotional, cognitive, and behavioral components. Anxiety plagues us in different parts of life, and can be prevalent in our sex life. Thinking about your performance too much can make anxiety worse.
Relax by: Making sure the stress in other parts of your life is settled. Anxiety can be common across the board for some people. Overcome anxiety in your sex life, by having ways to cope with the anxiety of your life. Finding ways to manage stressors in your life can reduce all aspects of anxiety. For most of us this means taking the time to make self-care a priority.
The Cynical Therapist came to be when two therapists became friends. SoulMates or Kindered Spirit Animals... Call us what you will.... We are two bad*** chics Licensed to teach you how to grow into your full potential and add some humor along the way.
Laurie Wilson and Elle Anzalone are both Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist practicing in the Huntington Beach, CA area.