Laurie Wilson, LMFT

Some people just have more flirty personalities or sexual mannerisms, but how can you tell the difference when it comes to someone who you are into?  How do you read the signs and signals to know if they want to take your friendship to the next level?

The Subtle Signs

Listen to subtle signs that you give off and see if your partner responds in the same way.

• Intimate Touch: You get closer than the usual friend and demonstrate subtle touches. (Sexual touches are not the same as subtle into you touches)  A brushing of the hand close to you, or  leaning into your space are examples.  With men touches might take on a more protective type stance than an intimate touch.  (In a big crowd he stands behind you, rarely leaving, or when he pushes through the crowd he walks first constantly looking back for you or grabbing your hand) 
•  Jokes About the Future: Sometimes we nervously make suggestions about the future of our relationship.  These are hints on how we or our partner might really feel about the relationship.
•  Eye Contact: The other person might secretly stare at you when not looking. Or you may just have direct eye contact.

The Obvious Signs 

•  Public Presentation: The person introduces you as “boyfriend/girlfriend”
•  Third-Party: Mutual Friends may suggest that someone has their radar pointed your way.  Make sure this information is accurate and from a reliable source.

Tactics to help you decide if they’re Into You 

Separation: separating yourself from someone physically and mentally can help you find out if someone is into you.  See how the other person responds to this separation.  If they reach out to you they are into you.

Directness: Although I don’t recommend this, it is sometimes used. You can ask a person where you stand in the relationship.  The reason I don’t recommend this is because it can be intimidating or seem pushy.  People like to talk about their emotions on their own terms.