In the beginning when two people are getting to know one another, you shouldn’t read into it. Sometimes one person gets hurt simply because they thought they could change the other person’s mind. When talks indicate that both parties just don’t have the same feelings, it can be difficult for the person who has stronger feelings to know when the game is over. 500 Days of Summer did a great job, split-screening our expectations vs. reality.
What it really means:
- I want to keep it casual. Means they want to keep things casual and never intend on a relationship. Repeat: No relationship intention.
- I want to take it slow. Intention on a relationship is 50/50 but they want to take time. Take it slow may or may not have relationship intention. They want to get to know you before deciding if you are the person they want to be in a relationship with.
- I don’t date. Almost the same thing as casual, but more intention on booty-calls. Pretty much a hook-up and no relationship intention.
- I like you, but I don’t want a relationship. Someone who doesn’t really want to be in a relationship but is afraid the “keep it casual statement” might not keep you around. Again: No relationship intention.
- I just want to be friends. You are official in the friend zone. Enjoy the view, because this is your permanent position.
- Project your feelings on the other person. Expect they might have a different view, even if you feel smitten.
- Ask about other person “So how many girls/guys did you hang out with this weekend?”
- Lose your cool. If you don’t have the ability to be casual and they do, walk away.
Some people need consistency and monogamy, some don’t. It is probably safe to stay with your herd. I truly believe that if someone wants to be with you, they will turn you into their boyfriend/girlfriend.
The Cynical Therapist came to be when two therapists became friends. SoulMates or Kindered Spirit Animals… Call us what you will…. We are two bad*** chics Licensed to teach you how to grow into your full potential and add some humor along the way.
Laurie Wilson and Elle Anzalone are both Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist practicing in Huntington Beach, CA.