Pregnancy can be a joy that many people want to experience in life. We family plan and purchase books such as What to Expect When You’re Expecting. We share the moments with our close friends and family when we first see a plus sign on the pregnancy test. However, we are also a society that is more likely to share in the joys than to discuss the complications that pregnancy can have in the first trimester. So what can we expect when we miscarry?
There is a statistic that 30 percent of pregnancies end in miscarriage. I don’t tell you this to scare you or make you worry. This is shared to let you know that you are not alone if you have experienced a miscarriage or ectopic pregnancy. There is a misconception that a miscarriage is just the expelling of an unhealthy pregnancy. Although that may hold true for a biological/medical standpoint, that does not make the process of a miscarriage any easier.
Sometimes our bodies tell us things and our heart doesn’t agree. Having a miscarriage can bring many types of grief.
- Personal grief (emotional and physical)
- Relational grief (stress in our marriage or relationship)
- Social grief (anger or confusion directed towards women/families who have conceived)
- Unknown grief (not knowing what to do next in our lives)
A miscarriage is a loss. It is just as much a loss as loosing a loved one. The person experiencing the miscarriage can not be pushed to “get over it.” There is a process that grief takes and needs; it looks different for everyone. No one can know your personal grief, but be assured that it is a process for everyone. Trust in your faith or spirituality and do what feels right to you.
When you have a miscarriage you lose not only an unborn child, but you lose the ideals that you had about a family. You lose the joy of pregnancy. Your body will also experience a physical loss knowing that the termination of the pregnancy was immature. The body, person, and soul all grieve.
It may feel like everyone has a happy life with a baby, but that is not the case. It is normal to feel that way. Grieve as you need to grieve, allow yourself time, and give yourself lots of grace. You are not alone.
The Cynical Therapist came to be when two therapists became friends. SoulMates or Kindered Spirit Animals… Call us what you will…. We are two bad*** chics Licensed to teach you how to grow into your full potential and add some humor along the way.
Laurie Wilson and Elle Anzalone are both Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist practicing in Huntington Beach, CA.