Refuse or Forgive After Infidelity

We are quick to blame one party when our partners stray and meet someone outside of the relationship.  But what about, “It takes two to tango?”  I am not suggesting that you blame one party or the other, but I am suggesting that you give them equal responsibility or equal forgiveness.  Example- You are back with the guy who cheated on you, but you refuse to talk to the girl that he cheated on you with.  Maybe it is time to refuse to talk to both of them.  Or maybe it is time to forgive both of them. 

My suggestion is that if you are continuing the relationship with your partner and trying to resolve a time of infidelity, that you forgive both parties.  Letting go of that past can be the best thing to get you and your partner to move on to a successful future.  Moving on with your partner through a time of infidelity can be a very difficult task.  However if you are refusing to forgive your partner or the situation, the best thing you can do is get out of the situation.  If you are ruminating about the infidelity, the act of the cheating, or the parties involved, and are unable to stop your bad thoughts it is time to move on.  You can not continue to analyze why this went on.  Some situations in life just don’t make any sense and you will never be able to make sense of them.

Here are some quick suggestions to move on from this difficult situation:

  • Take care of yourself.  Get back into a happy hobby.  Hang out with friends.
  • Don’t disclose your personal life.  In the times of Facebook Status, it may be easy to bash your unfaithful partner via web, but I suggest against that.
  • Don’t listen to unsolicited advice.  Everyone is going to have an opinion about what you should and should not do in a situation of infidelity.  You need friends who give you support rather than judgement.
  • Forgive everyone involved.  Forgive your partner, the other party, and yourself.  You might even have to take some responsibility in order to forgive yourself.
  • Couples therapy.  It might be good to have a neutral third-party to help you get through set-backs of the relationship and move forward.  You will be able to talk honestly about your feelings in a safe environment.


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