Am I dating “her son” or “my boyfriend?”

Have you ever dated a guy that made you swoon over the way he treated you?  He opened doors, he made sure to walk you to your car, or he brought you flowers so often you thought he owned a floral shop. You have been with this guy for only months and you begin thinking about details of a possible perfect wedding.  Nothing could stop your fantasy dream….. but then you meet his mom.

The more and more time you spend with his mom, you begin to realize that she has no intention of stepping down as the most important lady in his life. As time goes by you begin to un-plan the wedding.   Not to his discredit, as he has learned the love language of the ladies from being close to his mom.

The problem is unless his mom is willing to step out of the lead role, it will be  impossible for you to fall into the role of wife.  It is customary for a mother to protect her son.  However, when that son is ready to go out of the nest, it is vital that the mother let him go out alone.  It is important that her role is less and less as he gets closer to choosing a partner for himself.  There are many different reasons for a mother to be too attached to her son; including unhappiness in her own relationships, jealousy of other or younger women and the list goes on. It is a response and a behavior that comes from something deeper.  It is important for you to know that biologically it will be natural for the son to take the mother’s side.  As much as you can want to have a happy family, it will be near impossible until mom steps out and lets you have the leading role.  This is a difficult relationship triangle that needs to be resolved if there is going to be a successful relationship between you and your boyfriend

Family is one of the most important things in life.  I am not downplaying the strength of family, but psychology tells us that enmeshed family can create maladaptive behaviors.  We talk about how boyfriends and girlfriends need time for friends and need individual space, and the same is true for the immediate family.  Separation is important; you can have a healthy family life with your significant other when boundaries are in place throughout all relationships.

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