Tagged: Plenty of Fish

Dating in the Digital Age

One day at the gym I overheard a man and woman chatting with one another.  The woman was talking about her upcoming celebration for 23 years of marriage and he was discussing that his 40 year marriage anniversary had just passed.  I remain in awe about how these couples  manage to give support and love throughout the years.  I also can’t help but wonder how couples today will connect and survive in today’s technology driven society.

The digital age brought around a huge evolution for business and educational styles.  Our daily lives have changed significantly due to search engines and social sites. But have our dating lives and our self-development increased at the same pace?  Smart phones have become a great technological advance to cellphones.  Have humans evolved in their dating styles or are we still T9 dating?

The release of smart phones and social dating sites has left us no more savvy consumers in the dating world than we are in the public arena.  If you are hoping to get out of bad dating patterns, hiding online won’t help.  Give a girl who dates jerks 5 guys and she is likely to pick the 1 jerk out of the bunch.  Give her 100 guys and she is still likely to pick the jerk.  The real question is if your mental aptitude for dating has enough ram to keep up with the current technology.  Maybe it is time to upgrade ourselves before we go fishing, get on ok cupid, download the tinder app or pay for sites like match and e-harmony.

The first smart phone came out in 1993.  In the last ten years smart phones are the new norm.  But what has happen to our dating lives?  What are the advances to our human development that are making dating better today then it was ten years ago? In a world where you have 1,009 Facebook friends and 876 Instagram followers, the only human evolution has happened to our egos.  That doesn’t equate with making us more responsible dating partners.  Bigger egos may make approaching another person easier as we become more aggressive, but it isn’t helping us develop compassion for being thoughtful in romantic relationships.

Society might be on the cusp of social explosion.  I can not tell you how many photos I have seen where guys have their pants unbuttoned and I can almost see their junk.  This isn’t what I signed on for.  This type of dating has allowed the douches to get even douchier (as if it was possible).  I find myself erasing more messages than actually connecting on a real human level.  What is socially appropriate publically weeds out that kind of behavior and nonsense. But online, anything goes.

You are what you are online and offline.  Whatever attitude, defenses, lifestyles, or energy that you have as a person, you will have on a computer.  It is important to develop yourself with other people in mind.  Sorry, Selfies, it’s not all about you.  


On-Line Dating

On-line dating has become an outlet for many Americans.  Whether it is a time constraints or a social interaction that seems to create less anxiety, beginning the dating process via world-wide web has become increasingly popular.

On-line dating is now responsible for about a fifth of all marriages in the United States” (Chadwick, 2010, Match.com and Chadwick Martin Bailey 2009-2010 Studies).

I advocate on-line dating, not as the sole way to choose a partner, but to find potential dates.  For example, someone who does not have a lot of time, can weed out partners that may not be great fits.  A current E-Harmony commercial demonstrates that the on-line dating experience is about finding better dates, not more dates.

A great pre-marital counseling tool known as Prepare and Enrich tells us how similarities in certain areas such as finances and religion will lead to longevity in marriages. I bring this up because on-line dating sites like E-Harmony and Match.com have long questionnaires that you fill out; helping you get matched with people who would be good potential dating partners for you.  Sites like Plenty of Fish or Ok Cupid have a tendency to be free-for-all’s where anyone can contact.  Questionnaires are too short and inaccurate to measure much.

How do I know?  I was personally a member of each of the four sites to test the reliability and consideration of matches.  Please get back to us with any feedback on on-line dating experiences or personal thoughts.