Happy Valentine’s Day! Today is that day. It’s the day that people exchange gifts, cards, flowers, candies, and cute and cuddly teddy bears. Today is the day that third grade boy buys his first Valentine’s Day gift for his sweetheart. He mulls over the aisles at the local Target looking for the perfect way to tell his first crush that he thinks she is special. It is the day that he gets butterflies in his stomach, hoping that he makes the right decision. It is the day that she waits for his call and lights up when she hears his voice on the other end.
It is also a day of cynics. It is a day where the jaded remind us that we are crazy and they are single. It is the day that eyes roll and people scoff. But why? I understand if you are displeased with the commercialization of the Holiday, but the same can be said for many Holidays today. So why so much hate for VD? I mean, it’s a day to celebrate Love. The cynical and jaded make the single assumption that not having a romantic interest on this Day of Hearts makes it a painful reminder that we are single. But what does being single have to do with it? This day is about Love. That love is also shared amongst family members and friends. We share in love with our children and remind them that they are special. When I was little my father used to get my sisters and I all chocolates. Maybe my outlook on this adorable day is a direct product of the idea that it was about family and not romance. Love has everything to do with it.
The history of Valentine’s Day has to do with a Christian Martyr that got into trouble for marrying couples. That background is probably responsible for making Valentine’s Day associated with love and romance. In a time when lovers couldn’t marry, they were fighting the ability to do so. Appears we are always fighting against something. So you cynical singles fight the good fight, only 16 more hours left to go. As for the rest of us, smile, cuddle, and tell them you love them.
With so much in our lives to keep us busy, it is difficult to get quality time to connect with your significant other. Maybe you are constantly rushing out the door for work or school; you might be picking up the kids for a quick second only to get them dressed and right out the door again for soccer practice. You might be in the middle of a big move or frustration may have kicked in about a big life change. Whatever the situation, it is important that we continue to develop and sustain rituals in our relationships.
Too often, couples are missing the quality connection because they are rushing off to the next event or hammering out the next big project.
Allowing time for your partner can help alleviate some of life’s stress, while at the same time creating quality romance and bonding.
Rituals can help you connect to your partner. Life can get busy and overwhelming, and before you know it disconnection has happened in your relationship.
Develop a ritual in your relationship to stay connected such as:
- Walks outside
- Romantic baths together
- Coffee and talk in the morning
- Watching a television show together
- Whatever you choose make sure you are connecting.
- You might not talk, but during the television show you can playfully sit on your partner’s lap or spoon on the couch.
- Make sure the rituals contain an intention physical and emotional connection, such as talk and touch.
- Remove any distractions such as smart phones or work emails.
Sit down together and think about what would be meaningful to you and your partner. It is important that you understand how each of you connects with one another. In an earlier article, we discussed the five love languages quiz: this can help show you how to romantically engage with your partner. Here is a link to the quiz: http://www.5lovelanguages.com/profile/
First, understand what makes your partner feel connected to you. Then, develop rituals around those languages that can connected you on a regular basis.