Tagged: sex

How to Make Your Relationship Better

All types of relationships exist in our culture.  One of the most interesting are romantic relationships.  All romantic relationships go through times of trial.  It is in these times of trial that we are able to gauge whether or not our heart is invested in the relationship.  It is after these times of trial that two people may have decided to keep going.  When you keep going, there are still going to be struggles.

Although there is not one common thought for how to deal with struggles, I am a big fan of positive psychology.  Now this field is a relatively new field, coming into use in 1998.  It is meant to compliment tradition psychology in understanding how positive relationships, situations, and life can benefit the individual and the relationships around the individual.

I used to think that venting was a great way to dispose of the negative happenings of the day.  However, studies show that venting does not increase our tolerance and acceptance of a situation, it increases our irritation.

I bring this thought into motion, on the discussion of relationships, because I want to give you tools and ideas to increase the happiness in your relationship.  How to make your relationship better is easy.  Try some positive thought activities to improve your mood and the relationships well-being:

  • Surround Yourself with Positive People.  We feed off the of the company we keep.  Maybe it is time to evaluate whose moods might just feel draining.
  • Exercise and Eat well.  Exercise releases endorphins within the Brain.  The Brain is where all our thought is sifted through and processed.  Eating well causes the right chemicals to be produced and the correct vitamins to get absorbed.
  • Speak Right.  Use positive talk when you are talking with people.  Be encouraging and offer support and happy thoughts.
  • Try to Find the Good.  Try to find the good in things.  At work, school, and with people.  Look at every situation for the good it offers and the opportunities it brings.

Once positive thinking begins to take place, it will be routine for your thought patterns to fall from negative to positive.  Lucky for us, like communication, positive thinking is also something that can be learned.

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After the Honeymoon Stage

We have all heard of the honeymoon stage in a relationship.  It is understood as the “happy, romantic” time of a relationship; the time when your partner is your biggest fan and you are theirs.

The length of the honeymoon stage is debatable.  Some say it lasts from a few weeks to a few months, while others believe it lasts near a year and a half.  I do believe that it takes longer than we may think, since it takes the average adult a year and a half to get to know someone else fully.  Whether it is a stage that takes place after the wedding or during a certain period of the coupling stage, it still needs some explaining and understanding.

In a culture where we give up via break-up or divorce rather than keep going, we have a mind-set that prepares us for departure after the honeymoon stage.  The process away from the honeymoon stage is easier when we understand what is taking place and why.

What is going on in the Honeymoon stage:

  • We are getting used to the demands that a relationship has.  We begin to realize that the relationship feels like work.
  • We are learning things we might not completely enjoy about our partner.
  • Arguments begin.
  • Sexual desire may decrease.

How can you get through leaving the honeymoon stage?

  • Be understanding that relationships can be work.  Give it 120 percent and be prepared to hang in there during the tough times.
  • Try to be understanding of your differences and non-judgmental.
  • Arguments should be handled in a safe environment where people feel they can speak their minds and take responsibility.
  • Seek advice on how to bring sexual desire back.

Hey! Why do You Think it is OK to SEXT me?

Well everyone, sexting was officially added in Webster’s Dictionary this year.  “Sexting” is defined as: a blend of the words sex and texting, and first came into use in 2007. It’s the act of sending lewd messages or racy photos via cellphone.

Parent Rant:

If you are of the baby booming generation or older, just ask your oldest (one that it at least in college) kid about this.  Also make sure to talk about it to your teens.  Sexting is something that needs discussed and understood.  The worst thing you can do is ignore the issue and let teens’ peers help them make these decisions.  Simply talk to them and help them understand the dangers.

Why do you think it’s okay to Sext me? 

Have you ever gotten some shirtless picture from a person deciding to send it to you after taking it in their bathroom mirror?

Do you sometimes get text language from a possible partner that seems vulgar?

Overall, a person that crosses lines like this does not have much discrepancy themselves.  Your language, texts and interactions may be responsible for leading them astray.  I am not suggesting that you are the one giving them the wrong idea, but controlling your actions is always easier than controlling someone else’s.  Control your actions and hopefully theirs by following these don’ts.

Don’t:

  • Use sexual language
  • Send sexual pictures
  • Make jokes that allude sexual talk
  • Overstep your own boundaries
  • Be too sexual in your mannerisms

Never assume that your privacy is safe with someone when it can be quickly streamed or sent anywhere.

Let’s Talk About Sex (Especially If that Makes You Nervous)

Some couples have difficulty talking about sex.  What your partner needs and desires may be different from what you need and desire. Effective communication is something that can be learned.  Open communication about sex is also something that can be learned.

 

An article in Psychology Today talks about how almost all couples suffer from sexual desire problems.  The number one reason that couples break up is from communication problems.  A lack of communication about sex is assumed to be a large problem for some couples to.

 

When you try to have conversations about sex, it is very similar to other conversations with your partner.  Effective communication has to be learned.  Don’t be judgmental and have an open mind that what they want and need may be different from your wants and needs.

Remember these things about sex:

  • Communicating about sex can be difficult
  • Foreplay is important
  • Be humble to establish true passion with your partner
  • Removing tension will make bedroom time more fun

 

If you are unsure about certain bedroom issues and want more information on sex topics, great articles from well written and educated people can be found on: http://www.psychologytoday.com/topics/sex

 

 

How to Know If Your Relationship Will Last

Relationships go through a lot of different trials, but some situations can bring out someone’s nature more quickly.  Look at this list to make sure you see your significant other in the given situations or scenarios:

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  • Friends and Family.  You should spend ample time with your partners’ family and friends.  Look at how they interact with those closest to them.
  • Wedding.  You should accompany each other to at least one wedding before ever thinking about tying the knot yourself.
  • Traveling.  Go on a trip or two with your significant other (preferably a week or more).  See how they pack, travel, and work through unfamiliar places.
  • Work stress. Work is a large part of most of our lives.  Understand how your partner reacts to pressures at work.  Do they give up?  Or do they git-r-done?  This says a lot about the character of a person and how they adapt or handle stress.
  • Silence.  Relax and let the silence be and see how they handle the situation.

But what are you looking for in these scenarios?  You are looking into their relationships with others and their reactions to stress or life.  This can tell you a great deal about how they will interact with you in the long run.  How they react to situations tells a lot about how they will react to the situations that come up in the relationship.

The “Other” In An Affair

When we talk about the “other” person in the affair, we often have no sympathy for someone who is willing to come in the middle of a relationship.  Maybe we shouldn’t have any, however if you have ever been the “other” person in an extramarital affair or with someone who is in an exclusive relationship, you should look into why you think it is okay to make these decisions.

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Ask Yourself:

  • Why do I keep going with a relationship where I know the other person is exclusively involved with someone?
  • Have I been cheated on or hurt and am doing this to get back at others for my own heartache?
  • What values and morals do I have that contradict my actions?
  • What if I was in this situation and the “other” person was with my partner?  How would I feel?
  • Do I feel any remorse for the decisions that I make of this nature?  Why or why not?

New social sites such as Ashley Madison– “Life is Short, Have an Affair”, promote actions of deceit and affairs.  I have a problem with this site, it encourages the wrong kind of intimacy and excitement.  You should find excitement within your relationship.

If you find yourself unhappy and you sabotage others’ relationships, it is time you evaluate your own life and intentions

If you find yourself in this situation, and someone in a relationship is pursuing you, try this:

Make it clear to the other person that you are not interested.  Maybe you met this person and they did not mention their relationship.  The second you find out about it walk away.  Someone who is willing to leave their current relationship for you, may also be willing to leave you later for another person.

Ignore friend requests on Facebook or other social sites.  Contact of this nature may seem harmless, but the more contact you have, the harder it may be to say no.

Ignore phone calls and texts.  Position yourself in a way to fight off the inappropriate relationship from the beginning.

Stand your ground.  Sometimes people just want what they can’t have, so ignoring them may make them try harder.  When this happens, you need to make it clear to them that you are not interested in pursuing a relationship or a friendship.  When we begin letting them in, even just as a friend, we already know we may later cross lines.

Goodbye Cougar, Hello Manther

The term Cougar was first acknowledged in the early 2000’s in Vancouver as a name for a woman of high physical appearance aroused by young male’s sexual appetites.  The cougar is known for it’s ability to ambush predator.  The manther is the male equivalent to the cougar.

 

Unlike it’s cougar counterpart, the manther stalks it’s prey in silence using only his wallet to lure in unsuspecting victims.  Although a cougar is usually of assiduous beauty, a manther does not have specific physical attributes and relies solely on the cash and his confidence of cash; he can be handsome or homely.

The manther is 10 to 15 years older than his prey.  He is aware of the prey drawing towards his cash flow and does anything he can to purchase her heart over and over again.  The typical environment for the manther is bars and clubs; he is either back from a marriage expedition or always on the lookout for his next victim.  The manther’s agenda is to keep noncommittal relationships with younger women; settling down is not in his nature.