Tagged: women

The Power of Positive

“Keep your thoughts positive because your thoughts become your words. Keep your words positive because your words become your behavior. Keep your behavior positive because your behavior becomes your habits. Keep your habits positive because your habits become your values. Keep your values positive because your values become your destiny.”

                                          –  Mohandas K. Gandhi

Gandhi was a wise man.  The power of language and our thoughts will influence our feelings and actions.  Think about it. Three things often go together; our actions, our feelings, and our thoughts.  What you say or do has the power to dictate how you feel or think about something.  Our mindset can influence our emotions.  How cool is that?  We can influence our emotions.

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One of the greatest lessons I have learned and now teach, is that have influence in how we feel about things.  That puts us in a better mindset for coping with struggles or maintaining successes.

Here are some quick tips to enlisting this new positive standard into your language.

1. Say goodbye to words like can’t, don’t, and shouldn’t

2. Be cautious with always, never, all and none (extreme words make us feel defeated).

3. Use Self-Affirmations (I am good the way I am, I am happy, I am successful).

4. Eliminate self-loathing.  Try to give yourself grace. When we feel poorly or have poor feelings about ourselves it leaks into other aspects of our lives.  Notice what is going on with yourself but try not to judge it.  I often tell people to use the word, just.  This is just a setback.  I am just working through something.  When you take away the power of words, you take away the power they have over you, your thoughts, and your feelings.

5. Take non-judgmental stances.  The more we critics others, the harder it is to have positive words.  When we take negative stances on things, ideas, or people it rises our emotions for worse.  Criticism is for worse.  When we take a positive or neutral stance it is for better.  Inspire and encourage others, listening and be non-judgemental.

6. Reconnect with yourself.  We live in a busy, beautiful world.  It is important to find clarity in your heart and mind to practice a positive mindset and incorporate them as a part of your life.

Gandhi was a wise man, and he was also a practicing man.  You have to practice and incorporate ways to be mindful in your every day life.  The power of positive takes practice and patience.  You have the power to inspire and influence.

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The Death of Chivalry

The word chivalry comes from the demeanor of knights in the middle ages; the nobel knights had courage and honor.  Today we understand chivalry as the acts of men when taking care of a lady.  Men, we appreciate these acts.

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There is a disconnect today with how to treat a lady. Check out this list to get the low down on these high-class chivalrous acts:

  • Open or hold doors
  • Pay the bill
  • Carry the luggage
  • Scrape off the car windows in the winter
  • Offer your jacket when she is cold
  • Stand up when a woman arrives at or leaves the table
  • Pull the car around for her
  • Walk on the sidewalk closest to the street
  • Pull out her chair

Ladies, don’t settle for a man that isn’t a gentleman or doesn’t do his best to attempt to be.  Make sure you do your part by being thankful and polite in equally acceptable ways.

Long-Distance Relationships

Are you in a long distance relationship? Or do you find yourself having trouble when your loved one is away? Some studies have been done on long distance relationships that show they still have:

  • Satisfaction
  • Intimacy
  • Commitment
  • Durability

There are multiple reasons that people are in long distance relationships.  Today the economy can be a common factor, but time apart can be a great way to stay independent and deal with the tension that can come from having such a close connection.  With today’s social medias of Facebook, face-time, Skype, cell-phones, and email it is easier to stay connected if a relationship has to be long distance.   If you feel like your distance is devastating, remember that you are not alone and that nearly 7 million couples consider themselves to be in long distance relationships. (Devito, The Interpersonal Communication Book, p.262).

So what do you do to keep your spirits up and your relationship strong?

Make Dates.  Try to plan certain days and times throughout the week that you will dedicate to talking to each other on face-to-face communication so you can see one another.

Text Often.  Texts are nice subtle reminders that you are thinking about your partner or a quick “I love you” on the days that are very busy.

  • Say Good-Morning and Good-Night.  Make sure you ease the jealousy that can come into long distance relationships by making that person the last one you come in contact with at night and the first in the morning.
  • Love Letter. Snail mail is a nice, old-school way to take some time and hand write a letter that they can read over and over again.  And it wouldn’t hurt to send a photo of yourself they can hang somewhere to see you each day.

The Feisty Woman

I discussed the dating tricks for independent women in my article entitled: Does Your Independence Turn Men Off?

Independent women might be raging with confidence and glowing with success, but some of us have difficulty taking a step back with our independence, which can hinder our dating life.  Since this is a two-way street, what can a man do with the independent feisty woman?  Men, you’ll have to Step it Up.  Be strong and confident in your nature and advances.  A strong, independent, and feisty woman needs a man that can keep her on her toes by sweeping her off of them.

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Try these tricks:

  • Hang Around:  Most women who are tough and independent still have a soft nurturing side. Get to know her and see if her feisty nature is something you can dig.
  • Teach Us Something:  Since you feed off the need to take care of her, you better figure out things that you can take care of.  If a woman is a contractor, you can’t build her house.  Learn how to fix her car, then.  Show her your dedication by the excitement you also get out of learning something new for her and yourself.
  • Show Us Up:  If we already “know everything”, you have to learn how to communicate with us.  Figure it out.  She instructs everyone else in her life how to do things or take care of her, or she does it herself. A feisty woman will respect that you can be the man to take care of her.  Show her that she does not have to give you a road map, because already have one.

If an independent woman is in the middle of proving herself, she may have a difficult time backing down.  Appreciate that she is a dedicated hard-worker and will be the same later down the road for a family.

Why are Women and Men so Unhappy?

We have so many rules when it comes to dating.  Are these rules holding us back?  How can we stop following them? Which ones should we keep?

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Having too many rules or molds that a person has to fit in, can make it difficult for you to find a partner.  When on a first date it is a good idea to just listen and watch the other person.  You don’t need to bring in a list of your turn offs, because that will turn off potential mates.  Don’t let lists hold you back, be flexible about your “type”, and be open to new experiences.

Men and Woman are looking for different things during the courtship.  There are a few minor items to follow when in the dating stage:

Men Should:

  • Remember to make a plan.  Woman like plans and organization.  It makes us comfortable and helps us feel taken care of.
  • Be okay with paying.  This makes woman feel secure and usually has little to do with being snotty.

Women Should:

  • Learn to leave competitive and aggressive at work.
  • Be flexible.  Your relationship does not look like a Nicholas Sparks novel.  If you expect it to, that may be why you are stay single.

Try to be flexible with minor details of dates and the beginning courtship.  You should not be flexible with strongholds, addictions, or any types of abuse.